Books will be written, and movies will be filmed about 2020 and 2021, the years a raging pandemic brought the world to its collective knees. It has been both the best of times and the worst of times, sometimes on the same day.
This year my Amaryllis – one of the most beautiful I have ever tended to in my home – blossomed in all its bright red glory. Since I can’t invite my friend, who gave it to me, to come over and take in its grandeur, I send her photos of its awakening instead. This red beauty is situated in a window that overlooks a walking and biking path and green space, so those walking by can absorb its loveliness, and hopefully, it brightens their day a little bit.
This holiday season I dug out recipe cards from the past, relishing the familiar handwriting of my mom, who has been gone now for so many (too many) Christmases, my aunt and one of my sisters-in-law. As I made some of their treasured treats, it took me back to my childhood. The smell of melting chocolate filled the house with the scent of joy.
One of my favourite Christmas cards this year is from a sweet young girl and her brother. Little masked non-bandits, they brought it to my door before heading away to their isolated cabin with their mom and dad for Christmas this year. It was a thank you for the cookies that I shared with their family. The card sits prominently on our mantel, its cover adorned with cookies, a bagel and a tiered cake.
I have delighted in lengthy video and phone conversations with friends. One bright October day, I spoke with a long-time friend many miles away. During the course of our call, I sat on a memorial bench, laid back on the grass, sat on our deck, wandered the green space behind our home. Our conversation ebbed and flowed about the recent loss of her dad, the not-long-ago passing of her dear mom, our work, relationship dynamics of lots of time at home with our long-time partners, etc. When we finished the call, I realized we had spoken for almost two hours!
Another day I drank tea and ate cookies with a friend on her deck with a gorgeous view of the city and her pretty garden. In past lives (not that long ago), our days and weeks were diced and sliced into live board meetings or other business meetings, transit to the airport, etc. When she asked if I wanted another cup of tea, I think we were both surprised when I said yes; I had the time. Partly due to her semi-retirement but also the changed tenor of our COVID-19 lives, we spent more than two and a half hours together that warm afternoon.
One of my clients has become a dear friend. We live near opposite coasts of different countries. My nature escapes are into the mountains. Hers are into the forest. She has spent hours and hours in the forest this year, in part to avoid being indoors and potentially exposed to the virus, and in part for the nourishing energy of nature.
I have been inspired by 20 and 30-somethings who have launched their own businesses during this time. Full-time and engaging employment has been uninspiring or unattainable. They have turned their talents to marketing products and services. It has been so rewarding to provide them with ideas, introductions, and referrals, or to buy their products.
Humanity has stepped forth in making donations. In Canada, “Giving Tuesday” hit a record, and donations increased more than sixty percent. In the U.S., Giving Tuesday donations increased as well.
In speaking with a CEO in healthcare services, her voice echoed pride and grief. With 30+ years in healthcare, she was proud of the contributions of her staff, grateful for the opportunity to contribute, and grieving for all the families, her clients, and the loss of her own mom for whom they could not have a celebration of life this year. Of course, our conversation turned to holiday celebrations. As I write this, it is five days until Christmas. For most of us, it will be a holiday unlike any in the past. She will not see her new grandchild this Christmas. Our holiday celebrations will be video streams with children and grandchildren. The wonder of a 4-year-old on Christmas morning will not be live for us this year. However, as she said on our call, “We are going to have empty chairs at our table this Christmas so that we will have no empty chairs next year and for the years to follow.”
What an emotional roller coaster. When I feel sad about our cancelled 50th birthday celebration with my stepson and family, about the hours of play we are missing with our youngest grandson and other grandchildren, about our decorated but empty home that usually hosts scores at our holiday party, I sometimes feel self-absorbed and guilty. Our neighbours lost their 17-year-old twin boys four years ago. Other lifelong friends lost a dear son to ALS a couple of years ago; he was a 40-year-old father, brother and son. And so many grandparents, parents and even young people will be forever absent following COVID-19. Today, all of our family is healthy. We are grateful, so the isolation feels like a small and temporary price to pay to keep them and others safe.
I have been reading Pema Chodron this year and reflecting on the Buddhist concept of one-ness. This global crisis has made me feel connected with the anonymous others that share this beautiful planet in a way that only international travel has before. When our caseloads spiked and our ICUs were forced to double bed, I felt a heavy burden of debt and gratitude to the healthcare workers. Some healthcare workers have worked weeks without a break, and share the last moments of life with so many while separated from their friends and family. That is when I fully committed to doing all I can to protect others around me and to do what I can to support our hospitals.
Clients, friends, and family alike have described their appreciation for more time, infrequent commutes, fewer commitments, more walks outside, and more open and honest conversations with the special people in their lives. Many hope to hold on to the clearer recognition of priorities and the less demanding schedule. They (and I) are the fortunate ones. For teachers, essential workers, and parents trying to juggle homeschooling, work, and other demands, this has been an exhausting phase, offering little time for reflection or moments of pause.
Some businesses have thrived. Sadly, some have closed their doors forever to their loyal and disappointed customers. Scientists the world over created viable vaccines in record time, bringing hope to many. Elective surgeries have been delayed, prolonging difficulty for many. In my city, strangers speak to each other while lined up outside of stores and greet each other while giving a wide berth on the sidewalks.
The past decades heralded globalization, represented by the flow of goods and services, offshoring and widespread telecommunications. This is a new global and collective experience. It has changed us. I think it will be months and years before we fully recognize how we have been altered, collectively and individually. My hope is that the change is mostly for the better. A reawakening in humanity, greater awareness of our inter-dependence and our collective experiences. Let this time not be for naught.
© 2020 Lorraine A. Moore. All rights reserved. Permission granted to excerpt or reprint with attribution.
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